Week 1

Well, exactly a week ago yesterday we were still in the hospital, waiting to bring our little man home. I can't believe a whole week has gone by already, and it has been such a blur! I'd like to think we've adjusted nicely but I know it is a little premature to say that since it has only been a week. I've also had a lot of help this week so I'm a little nervous about life moving forward (more about that later). I really wanted to record every single day this week because I want to remember everything but it didn't really work out so I'll try to remember what I can.

Coming home from the hospital was not very organized. My Dr checked on me around 7am and the pediatrician checked on Ryder around 9am and we took the discharge class at 10am so we thought we were good to go. I wanted to feed him one more time with the lactation consultant just to make sure Ryder and I were doing well so we were planning to head home around 3. Well, that didn't work out. We had to get his hearing test and wait for the birth certificate lady and do our discharge paperwork and it was 7pm by the time we were actually leaving. Mike and I hadn't eaten since breakfast because we kept thinking we were going to leave and I didn't want to pay for another crappy hospital meal so we were both tired and hungry and cranky. Right as we got to the car Ryder pooped everywhere and the backseat was full of all of our stuff so I had to sit in the front instead of in back with him and it was a very tense ride home (luckily we only live 10min from the hospital). I was a little nervous about leaving the hospital so soon too, wondering if we should have stayed a day longer. But even though walking into our house was a little crazy - needing to change the baby, the cat freaked out about the baby, Nichole was here waiting, we were starving and tired and Mike's mom was on her way over unexpectedly, I knew instantly that we'd made the right choice to come home. We ordered pizza, got the baby cleaned up (he promptly peed on us when we changed him) and settled in to a relaxing night. Taking a shower and laying in my own bed felt amazing and Ryder let me get almost 5 hours of sleep.

The next day is a blur. We took Ryder to the pediatrician at 9 (clean bill of health for our little guy!) I was really sore and couldn't sit properly or move very well so I was basically confined to the couch. I don't even really remember much about that first day except trying to get Ryder to breastfeed was a bit of a challenge. Wednesday was rough too... again all I did was lay on the couch, feeding and looking at my baby. I kept thinking about all the things I needed/wanted to do but I was so sore and and I was really loving just bonding with my son. It was hard for me to accept that it was okay to lay around and do nothing but tend to Ryder, that that was what I was supposed to be doing. Nichole kept telling me my job was to just get to know my baby and Mike was so supportive, he took care of all the cleaning and organizing around the house, making it baby ready. I just had a hard time with the concept that it was okay to lay around. Being a mom is quite the adjustment! Thursday my grandparents came over and brought us a bunch of food and met their new great grandson. My grandmas are really cute, they are good friends and hang out together all the time and have decided to call themselves the "GGs", for great grandmas. I love it! Ryder was really fussy all day and didn't nurse well and I thought it was from the distraction of everyone at first. Turns out he had tummy trouble thanks to the fiber cereal I was eating (I was still terrified of pooping at this point) and I was up all night with him, poor little guy. He was crying (well, more like screaming) in pain and I was crying because I felt like it was my fault, like I had hurt my baby. We survived the night and Friday I ventured out to the grocery store with Nichole. It was very strange being out in public and away from my baby and I was still pretty sore so it wasn't the most enjoyable outing but it did feel good to be productive in some way. Saturday Mike's mom came over to see the baby and yesterday my parents spent the day with us, cooking us food for the week and bonding with their grandson.  It was the first day I could sit normally and I even did my hair for the first time all week, so I felt somewhat human again. Last night we had Ryder's newborn pictures taken, or at least attempted to. He wasn't a big fan of all the outfit changes and was quite fussy. I think he had some gas as well.  Hopefully we got some cute shots!

Yesterday I actually wore my own underwear (instead of the mesh panties from the hospital) and a bra (which barely fits but what can you do) for the first time since giving birth. I didn't take any pain medicine either (it was pointed out to me that I must be pretty tough since I gave birth and have only been taking alleve for pain). Mike and I ventured out with Ryder to get a new camera and some baby supplies and it was really nice being out as a family. It felt weird pushing his stroller, like we were two kids playing house. But Ryder did really well and we survived a few hours out of the house. I have to say, kudos to Buy Buy Baby for having a changing/feeding room, we ended up taking full advantage of it! I was pretty sore at the end of the day, probably from walking around for a the few hours we were out, sitting straight for the first time all week, and not taking my pain meds but overall I feel pretty good; at least closer to normal than I have felt in months. My feet were even their normal size again and my rings fit, yay!

The days are flying by and I just want them to slow down so I can enjoy my little angel. I don't want him to get bigger yet, I love him so much right now. I love how little he is, I love watching him sleep, I love his little noises and the little faces he makes. I love being home and not on a schedule. I am just totally head over heels in love! He is a really good baby too, he only cries when something is wrong and stops as soon as we fix whatever it is. I'm sure every parent thinks this, but I think I really have a perfect little boy!

There have been some challenges too though. The first few days after giving birth my whole body hurt. even my skin felt tender to the touch, like I was one big bruise from head to toe. I hated how jiggly and gross my body was too, it seemed like everything was loose and flabby and I wondered if I'd ever get my old body back. It is better now, things have tightened up and I know I've lost a lot of weight but I have a ways to go before I'm back to pre-baby form. I did end up with stretch marks, despite using the creams and oils every day, so I'm a little unhappy about that but whatever. There are worse things in life. My boobs are enormous so I'm sure they'll be saggy when I'm done breastfeeding. But I don't feel quite so ugly and tired looking as I was a few days ago.

Breastfeeding was a challenge too. You'd think something so natural and necessary for survival would be a lot easier. That could be a whole blog by itself so I'll save that one for later.

My biggest challenge has been the "baby blues". I'm not sad or depressed, but I'm really really weepy. I cry 2 or 3 times a day. Mostly when I think about how much I love my son and Mike. I've also been really really anxious about Mike going back to work; like panic attack anxious. I'm so terrified that something will happen to him, it is completely irrational but I break down in tears everytime I think about it. It is tough too because I know it is a panic attack/hormones, but I can't take anything because I'm breastfeeding so I get all worked up and it sucks. Mike has been so wonderful and understanding but he ends up laughing at me because it is so ridiculous. I'd have to say I'll take the soreness and exhaustion and everything else if I could just not be so weepy and anxious. I have my dr. apt Monday so if it is still happening I will talk to them about it.

So that is my first week as a mommy in a nutshell. I'd have to say that overall I couldn't be happier with my family or more in love with the men in my life. I'm one lucky girl!