Knocked Up

Knocked up. Preggo. Preggers. The big P. In the family way. Bun in the oven. In trouble (well, I am technically un-wed). Blessed. Whatever you choose to call it, I'm pregnant and due 5/26/11. If you know me well than you can probably guess that I'm beyond happy, despite the stupid nicknames (I've alwasy hated those slang terms...) This blog will be my way of sharing my little miracle with some of my favorite people who happen to live way to far away from me. I'm sure I will share too much information at times and apologize ahead of time but...wait, you know me so I don't have to apologize. So here goes!

I wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant due to my poly-cystic ovaries and this was a total surprise. I get my period 7-8 times a year if I'm on the pill, and taking it properly. I get it maybe 5 times a year if I'm not on the pill or screw up when I remember to take it. I've never really had a true pregnancy scare - not that I haven't taken pregnancy tests a million times when I've gone a month or too without a period and secretly wished it to be positive - so over the years I'd come to accept that it might not be in the cards for me. I've always wanted kids but figured I'd adopt little Russian orphans and raise a hockey team. Once I turned 30 my biological clock started to tick more loudly and I started really thinking about my fertility. I chose to go off the pill completely in January in an effort to see how my body did "naturally", without artificial hormones or screwing myself up by skipping pills. I wanted to see just how off my system was so that in 2 years or so I could start really trying to get pregnant and I could work with doctors to see what might help. I also went on a health kick this summer, cut back on drinking, started excercising, trained for (and ran) a 5k, and started eating right. I bought a home ovulation test to see if I even ovulated but could never seem to catch it; I wasn't ready to face the idea that I might not ovulate at all but that was my sneaking suspicion. I got my period on June 25th and not again until August 17th. So when September went by with no period but some sore boobs and fatigue I really didn't think much of it. I just figured I might be getting ready to start soon but I never could tell for sure. I was still excercising like a fiend and figured my boobs were sore from all the bouncing (despite 2 sports bras). I didn't really drink much, it just didn't seem appealing, and I even had a series of panic attacks in early September and took some  xanax to chill out. Never in a million years did I think any of it were signs of pregnancy.

Fast forward to early October when all of a sudden I couldn't stay awake past 9pm, and my boobs were aching like 2 big bruises. One day food started tasting weird. And then my sense of smell went crazy and I could smell the water coming out of my faucet - a very unpleasant smell that made me nauseaous ever time I brushed my teeth. So I decided to take a pregnancy test, knowing it would be negative like every other one I'd ever taken. I was waiting for Mike to come home from the gym so we could go to the Bucs game (Monday night football, huge game). It was the little plus/minus sign kind. And it was a plus. My first thought was that I'd done it wrong. Or that it was broken. I started shaking and had to sit becuase I thought I was going to faint. Mike came home and instantly asked what was wrong. "I think I might be pregnant". He was thrilled, I was a mess. All I could think about was how many things I'd done wrong - drank wine, taken xanax, gone on roller coasters, eaten sushi, ran a 5k (turns out the last one was actually ok). Other than having to wait 20 minutes for nachos, I don't remember any of the football game. I was convinced I wouldn't be able to sleep that night but eventually I fell asleep in Mike's arms.

My first thought when I woke up the next morning was "I hope this is real, I really want this baby". I don't know how I got through work the next day but somehow I did and after making a doctor's appointment I got another pregnancy test - a digital one that used words instead of cryptic symbols - and was releaved when it said "pregnant". The next day the doctor confirmed that I was indeed pregnant and I burst into tears. I had a hard time convincing the nurse they were tears of joy, I guess most people who cry are unhappy to find out they're pregnant. The doctor did an ultrasound and we saw our little bean for the first time. She also calmed my nerves about all the "bad" things I'd done and reassured me that my fertility issues (PCOS) were not related to my pregnancy and that so far I was healthy and right on track.

Then next 5 weeks were torture. My family and a few friends knew but I wasn't telling work and keeping it a secret was really hard. By week 8 I was morning sick all damn day and asleep by 8:30/9pm most nights. The hockey season had just started too so my work hours were crazy plus I had 3 of my 4 biggest events of the season all within the first 3 weeks. The whole things seemed so surreal, like I was dreaming. But somehow I made it through and here I am, 12 weeks along and starting to really believe I'm actually pregnant! Mike has been amazing (I've never seen a happier dad-to-be) and he is always kissing my belly and talking to the baby. He is going to be such a great father!



 So now that I'm in the "safe" zone (not that I'm not still a nervous wreck all the time but I'm getting better), I feel like I'm not jinxing myself to start talking about the pregnancy and the baby and decided to start this blog. I am so excited to be a mom and I know this next 6 months will drag on forever but my little miracle will be here before we know it :)

I seriously thought I had done it wrong, this was not the response I expected!

this one was a little more straight forward, hard to second guess!



First ultrasound: our little bean is the black smudge in the top left corner. My brother thinks it looks like a tropical storm depression. It sure doesn't look like a baby yet!