not so super woman

Yesterday was a dumb day. For the most part this pregnancy has been pretty easy but the farther along I get, the bigger I get, the more I am reminded that I am not exactly my normal self. After walking around the mall on Sunday, working 12 hours on Monday (including 3 hours on my feet at the end of the night) and working 11 hours on Tuesday I was pretty beat. I was supposed to stay and watch the hockey game with Mike and I just couldn't do it - all I wanted was to be home, in my bed, with my aching swollen feet up on a pillow. I hardly got any sleep that night and I ended up staying home from work yesterday because everything just hurt - back, hips, feet, head. Then I rolled over in bed and felt a ripping, tearing pain in my abdomen. After spending several hours convincing myself I was being silly I finally called the doctor and they had me come in. So Mike and I spent the afternoon in the doctor's office. It was productive, we were able to knock our 28 week appointment out at the same time, but it still wasn't fun. After a not-so gentle physical exam it turns out I pulled a ligament. I'm supposed to stay off my feet for a few days and cut my work hours back to 8 hours a day moving forward.

I've been pushing myself this whole pregnancy. I worked through all the morning (code for all day) sickness. I came in late once or twice and left early once or twice but still managed to work 50 hours a week or so. During all our building renovations I've had to go up and down stairs to use a restroom and/or get water. Since I drink a lot of water, and subsequently have to pee constantly, I was doing a lot of stairs. I would tell myself it was good for me, a way to sneak in some exercise. But I was pretty much exhausted all the time. I was trying to be a trooper, to be a tough girl, prove that I could still do it all. So much for all that. I was almost in tears telling my boss today that I had to cut back. He was totally cool about, told me he knew it was coming, but I still felt like a failure. Like somehow I should be stronger than this. It has been messing with my head all day. At the same time, a part of me loves the idea of more time to relax and get ready for my little bean's arrival. And for how tired I've been, I know I need the rest. But it still makes me feel guilty, like I'm sucking at this pregnancy thing by not being able to balance everything in my life.